Reflections on Grief, Anger and Anti-Asian Violence: Marking One Year Since the Atlanta Shooting

by Carmen Watson

Illustration of two asian women, one with lighter and one with darker skin, leaning on each other with their heads together. There is a heart made of lit candles behind them. — Illustration: Mariana Trujillo-Lezama

CW: Anti-Asian violence, misogyny, sexual violence, gun violence, death.

I’m sitting in a meeting in downtown Vancouver, when a push notification from The Washington Post comes through. A few seconds later The New York Times flashes across my screen. I can’t quite remember the sequence of events of what comes next, but I remember the following: news reports begin to leak that there has been a string of shootings at massage parlors in Atlanta, Georgia.

My hands go cold, a lump forms in my throat, I am hit with a wave of nausea. Before I read the reports later that day, I already know. When their names are announced, my eyes fill with tears. There is no shock or surprise. My heart is both pained and filled with rage. We f*cking told you, I think to myself. We told you this would happen.

Discussing March 16, 2021 is a balancing act. It means navigating the ways in which we are socially conditioned to articulate racism, misogyny, classism, and our hatred for sex workers, while also acknowledging individual accountability, culpability and agency. Put bluntly: six Asian women were killed because of our collective reticence to admit just how bad our racism and misogyny is, and just how deeply rooted it is in our society. It isn’t simply because someone had a “bad day”.

The intersection of racism and misogyny manifests itself in many ways. As Asian women, we are stereotyped as small, light-skinned, subservient, timid, hypersexualized beings. We are depicted in films as impoverished and deceitful sex workers, unkind and manipulative mothers, or so-called mail-order brides seeking to live out the American Dream. We are used as props in some of the most violent and degrading pornography. Whether on screen, in print, or on stage — we are featured for entertainment purposes only.

Sitting here, writing this, I can think of two positive depictions of Asian women I recall seeing as a child. Two. One was a cartoon (Mulan) and one was a doctor (Cristina Yang).

As a thinking exercise, I want you to make a list: How many non-offensive, non-caricaturistic, diverse depictions of Asian women can you recall seeing? Were they young? Were they light-skinned? Were they non-disabled? Were they a leading character, or a best friend? What were their hobbies — were they math, science or tech related? Were they shy or quiet? Were they thin?

Now I want you to make another list. How many non-offensive, non-caricaturistic, diverse depictions of non-Asian women can you think of? Were they young? Were they light-skinned? Were they non-disabled? Were they a leading character, or a best friend? What were their hobbies? Were they expressive? Were they thin?

You may be tempted to deem this a cliché, but representation matters. It bears repeating because it warrants change. Urgent change. The consequences of the impossibly imbalanced representation can span so far beyond exclusion: they can and do impact whose lives we regard as worthy, and whose we don't.

Let us continue to grieve this violence, let us rage against white supremacy, let us lament all that has been lost.

When it comes to anti-Asian violence, I do not want condolences. I do not want to have to hold the sadness of non-Asian folks, I do not want to have to comfort those around me who cannot relate to this kind of violence. Worse yet, I do not want to help non-Asian folks navigate their shock at the racism I live with daily. I do not want to have to deal with the fact that some of you may feel surprised that Asian women have faced unsurvivable violence.

This has been my reality since before I was born — it isn’t new to me, as it certainly wasn’t new to my ancestors, elders or kin. If this is new to you, now is not the time for guilt to be the end of the conversation. Now is the time to use that guilt to drive action. Read what we write, listen to what we have to say, believe us when we share our lived experiences with you. Remember our names and amplify our brilliance. Share in our joy with us; and share yours in return. Eat our food; appreciate it. Celebrate our victories. Help break down barriers for and with us. Conspire with us to dismantle white supremacy and challenge misogyny in all forms.

Today my heart is with the families and loved ones of the women whose lives were taken one year ago, in Atlanta. My heart is also with the families and loved ones of all genders whose lives have been shaped by anti-Asian violence — you are not alone in navigating this overwhelming sense of fear, of grief, and of anger.

Xiaojie Tan

Daoyou Feng

Hyun Jung Grant

Suncha Kim

Soon Chung Park

Yong Ae Yue

Delaina Ashley Yaun

Paul Andre Michels