So I Had an Abortion

by Julia Santana Parrilla

Guest Writer

CW: Abortion

Abortion is a healthcare procedure accessed by thousands of people a year. In so-called “Canada”, it’s estimated that 1/3 of people with uteruses have had an abortion*. Still, abortion stigma persists.

What is abortion stigma? Broadly, stigma is a construct of supremacy that distinguishes what is socially acceptable and who is worthy of privileges. In the case of abortion, it is the disapproval of the choice to terminate pregnancy/ies (acceptability), and the discriminatory practices that complicate access to care and healing (worthiness).

For example, there are active Campaigns in Canada to criminalize abortion: We Need a Law and Right Now. Both want anti-abortion legislation to be created (acceptability) and use language like “life-saving” in ways that devalue the lives of those of us who have sought, are seeking, or will seek abortion (worthiness).

In Canada’s colonial cis-hetero patriarchal context, our access to rights (including abortion) is dependent on discriminatory policies, practices, and proclivities (it’s not surprising that the leadership of We Need a Law and Right Now are white settlers). And anti-abortion sentiments are investments in existent power structures.

Not only does stigma determine people’s access to the right not to have a baby**, but also people’s self-perceptions for exercising their right not to have a baby. Given the moral-ground stigma is rooted in, the moment that the need for abortion enters our minds so does self-doubt. Ruminations on how right or wrong our decision-making is, and how good or bad we are, intensify any distresses felt while coordinating access to care.

With my two abortions, I experienced the privileges of accessing the supports I needed. Some quick googling identified where I could go, as well as what I should expect. However, nothing and nobody prepared me for life after abortion/s. The self-doubt that had been seeded in the time leading to the abortion/s grew.

To externalize my feelings and find community, I created So, I had an abortion… (2017). As time went on, I came to see the need to support healing post-abortion, how storytelling could facilitate this, and the barriers that exist to sharing stories. So, in 2021 I applied for funding in order to offer creative storytelling workshops (for free). Now, thanks to small grants from the Abortion Conversations Project, and the Abortion Rights Coalition of Canada, So, I had an abortion… offers monthly workshops to access, express, and share abortion stories in ways that de-center stigma, and activate our healing.

I believe sharing is medicinal and that when we tell our stories, we contribute to transforming collective understandings of abortion, restoring our sense of self, and healing our relationships with our Selves.

My dream is that we will grow collective awareness rich in experiential knowledge with the potential to change not only how we view ourselves, but also how we are viewed for our choices.

In a world where abortion is unacceptable, nurturing self-acceptance is radical!

* It is common for people to experience more than one abortion

** Access to the right to not have a child is one of the pillars of the Reproductive Justice Framework developed by a Group of Black women in the US. For more information, visit SisterSong.Net/Reproductive-Justice.

About the Founder of So I Had an Abortion

Julia Santana Parrilla (she/her; ella) is a Spanish settler from the Canary Islands living among unceded ancestral territories; the lands of the Musqueam, Squamish, Stzuminus, and Tsleil-Waututh Nations. Julia's love for storytelling has manifested in her career as a multi-interest and value-driven qualitative researcher who works on projects concerning equity and justice, and in her creation of So, I had an abortion... Her other loves include talking nonsense to her cats, cooking without a plan, and doing nothing with good company.

SIHaA is hosting their next workshop on March 19th, on the topic of De-mystifying & Re-mystifying Abortion with Mariel Andrade Gutiérrez (she/her). Check out information for this event and their next workshops here. To support their initiatives check out their story store where they offer totes and stickers like the ones in the image on the right.